Pre-Order Butcher, Baker, Vampire Slayer, A retelling of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night

After a freak accident with escaped tigers, newly orphaned Violetta Tancetta is left in a city which teems with werewolves, vampires, and zombies. Unaware of the danger, all she knows is that her twin brother is throwing away his future when he decides to drop out of the elite all boy school he’s been attending, and she isn’t going to let him do it, even if it means taking his place.

When eighteen-year-old, Violetta Tancetta goes undercover as her brother, she has no idea that Calder, School for Boys isn’t only for rich, prissy boys, but also the premier training ground for the next generation of Butchers, or those trained to slaughter vampires, werewolves, and anything else that goes bump in the night.

Her plans get complicated when she gains the friendship and respect of the greatest Butcher of them all, wickedly handsome Orion who constantly threatens the security of her male identity.

Writerly Wednesday: Water Lost (Watergirl 3)

Water Lost

It begins... 

The scent of Sean, seaweed and spice, filled my nostrils while the rest of the world hovered on the periphery of my sleep.

I woke with a start, taking deep, trembling breaths as I fought against the nightmare, swirling water, pulling me down and down and down. I ran my hands through my hair, damp and snarled from sweat. When I swung my legs out of bed, I smoothed the t-shirt over my thighs, ‘Sean, Sean, he’s all brawn’ in big blue letters over the white knit fabric.

My hands caught on the fabric, my palms rough with callouses and broken blisters from hanging onto the bars. My breath hitched before I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. I had nothing to be afraid of in my room, books and clothes kicked to the edges of the floor, my computer piled with headphones, midi keyboard and other musical apparatus. The quilt was cheerful, happy like the sun shining in my window, the first sunny morning in a week.

I swallowed hard and stood, unable to push back the panic. I needed Sean. A few months ago I would have called him, but I didn’t have to, not when he was sleeping in my living room. I grabbed my oversize sweat pants off the floor and tugged them on as I hopped across the floor. I would sneak down and see him, sprawled across the couch, feet sticking out of the too-small blanket. That’s all I needed.

I turned my handle, the door swung open, and Sean fell onto my bedroom floor. I stared at him while he blinked at me blearily from his prone position




AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH I love this one so much. I hope you do too. It will need a few more rounds of edits, but it's amazingly whole and alive. I think I will publish it before next spring if all goes well.

Butcher Baker Blurbs and other covers I don't like

Working on blurbs. Hurray for challenges.

Violetta Tancetta is ready to don her twin brother’s suit and tie, and take his place in an elite Private Boy’s school for his last year at high school.

Violetta is an overachiever who has never turned down a challenge and even after her parents were slaughtered in a freak tiger attack, she’s going to save her brother’s future whether he wants her to or not.

Eighteen-year-old, Violetta Tancetta has no idea that the school isn’t only for rich, prissy boys, but also the premier training ground for the next generation of Butchers, or those trained to slaughter vampires, werewolves, and anything else that goes bump in the night.

There, she gains the friendship and respect of the greatest Butcher of them all, wickedly handsome Orion who constantly threatens to unmask her male persona.

Or...

Violetta Tancetta has no idea that the streets of the city where she lives teem with werewolves, vampires, and zombies at night. All she knows is that her twin brother is throwing away his future when he decides to drop out of the elite all boy school he’s been attending, and she isn’t going to let him do it, even if it means taking his place.

Violetta is an overachiever who has never turned down a challenge. Despite losing her parents in a freak tiger attack, she’s going to save her brother’s future whether he wants her to or not.

Eighteen-year-old, Violetta Tancetta has no idea that the school isn’t only for rich, prissy boys, but also the premier training ground for the next generation of Butchers, or those trained to slaughter vampires, werewolves, and anything else that goes bump in the night.

Her plans get complicated when she gains the friendship and respect of the greatest Butcher of them all, wickedly handsome Orion who constantly threatens the security of her male identity.

Which do you prefer?

Fan Friday: Butterflies in Space

Thanks to the awesome Ms. McKenna for this inspirational work of art. It is seriously the loveliest card I've ever seen. It inspires me to write Monsterontous, a book about metamorphosis, how a monster clothed in human skin can throw off the old skin and emerge something terrifyingly beautiful. Also, about hockey. And vampires. And a succubus. And a unicorn.

Writerly Wednesday: Finishing up Butcher Baker edits

I'm messing around with the cover. I'm not sure about it. I don't know exactly what I want. This is too romance, the other was too high fantasy. I want something in between. It's a retelling of Shakespeare's 12th Night. What does that look like? This is a little bit romeo and Juliet, but wrong genre.

Anyway. This is an excerpt from Butcher, Baker, Vampire Slayer. I think all my excerpts have been from his perspective. Hers are nice too, but somehow not as cool. Probably because she doesn't have a whip.

The more that came, the faster I moved, my body a perfect weapon, experience flowing through me, around me, over me while the Butchers gathered, following my lead, spreading out to contain the horde while I pushed deeper, harder into the throng. The scent of death, rotting corpses, the jaws of hell gaped after me, and I danced in it to the song of my whip and the drum beat that pounded in my veins. 

Violetta. 

She was my heaven, my purpose, the strength that lifted my arm. The hunger had never been sweeter, the night more mine. 

I've written too many kissing scenes and I'm just tired of editing and want to read something fun. Something like Watergirl. :) Maybe even Watergirl 3 even though I am supposed to be working on a first draft of something fun and quick. I think I will take a break for the rest of the week and just not. It's the action. Action takes a lot out of me. Clever dialogue is so hard to write when I'm not feeling very clever (or being very clever). Argh!

Today was crazy. I ran around town, called up all the music shops trying to find a clarinet to rent last minute before band class for the kids. I know it wasn't Wednesday a whole week ago. What happened to time? Was it a wormhole? Wyrmhole?  I'm just glad that I'm not writing about dragons. They are dangerous! More dangerous than Sirens and Butchers. I really like this book, Butcher Baker, but I am really ready to read it instead of editing. Editing is, 'this scene is boring. I'll just skim it until I get to the interesting part, no wait, I'm the writer, that means I have to figure out why this part is boring and sit here and fiddle with it until the words sing and it isn't boring anymore'. Which is boring. And hard. And I can't focus because I need a clarinet by three and the shop is across town, and the roads are all crazy! Also the drivers. Mostly me. And then grocery shopping with five kids in tow, and no one comments how full my two carts are, because they see with their amazing eyes why I have five cartons of oats and half a cart full of bananas. Although someone did say, 'you must like bananas,' and the two year old says, 'I like bananas,' or actually, 'ma laxyz annann' which I understand because I'm insane. As anyone who goes grocery shopping with five kids clearly is. And we had popcorn for dinner and steamed vegetables, the kind you can do in the microwave. Because we have no stove. It's actually kind of awesome not to cook. I have a lot more time to do other things. Some of which I actually like.

Hope you guys are having a good non stressful week!

Like a bee stings...

I got stung on Saturday, my left ring finger, which had a ring. I had to cut the ring off on Sunday because my finger was so swollen. I've never had such a big sting before. I'm sure it will inspire many scenes of anguish in my books. This week I'm wrapping up this round of Butcher, Baker edits.

I'm taking this moment to reflect deeply with Mr. Bacon.

Fan Friday! Egotistical Jerks Playlist!

Hello! Thank you Princess for the Egotistical Jerks Playlist. We'll provide these for your listening pleasure. :D

It just doesn't get cooler 80's punk than this.

I'm Too SEXY!!!!

I love this song! Such a great old sound.

It is a great song!

So INTERESTING a sound, right?!

Taiwanese Metal. Oh, yeah! 

Can't believe I actually used to listen to this. I'm OLD!

Classic.

I REALLY love this one. REALLY.

This was SO Awesome WEIRD!

WOW. THIS WAS MY FAVORITE. SO GREAT!!!!!! I'm listening to more of these guys.

Bonus Song for Watergirl!

And Bonus Monster Games Theme SONG!!!! 

Thanks so much Princess Jime for your suggestions! If any of my lovely readers would like to include a song in the comments, I'd be delighted to listen to them!

Writerly Wednesday, Butcher, Baker, Vampire Slayer

It's just an excerpt. I'm editing, but the going is slow because I have all these scenes that someone needs to write. I'm the only monkey I can pay with bananas. All the other monkeys want legos or something.

Anyway, I thought it was kind of fun and sad, and lovely. Orion is Duke Orsino, and Violetta is Viola, etc. from this 12th night adaptation. Orion is also a Butcher, or The Butcher, because he's supposed to be seriously awesome. I always thought that Orsino was a whiny, obnoxious putz. But also pretty much super hot.

Behold:

I shook my head and my smile faltered. Her mother would not like Olivia with Sebastian any more than my father would approve of Violetta. And I, I had her even less than I had Olivia.

A wave of longing clogged up my throat and made my stomach clench. I needed a cream puff. One taste. I would kill for one.

Of course, I would kill anyway.